Just keep swimming…

Life has its ups and it has its downs. You can’t always dictate where life is going to take you. Sometimes you feel like you’re flying! You are winning at life. Nothing can bring you down from this high and the whole world is at your finger tips. Sometimes you feel like you’re buried in the earth. The walls are crumbling around you. You’re cold and all hope is lost.

At the moment my life feels like it’s crumbling into oblivion, I feel like I have nowhere to go and I’m constangly worried about  what the future might hold. I am a person who tries not to concern myself too much with tragic goings on, in my life or otherwise, I try to remain positive and carry on with life but at the moment it is hard. I keep getting little reminders about the situation I find myself in, I keep hearing little shots fired in the dark. I am very close to losing my cool, I am close to waking up and realising the state of my reality.

But I am not going to let it destroy me.

I have a strong will. I have a lot of hope. I know that no matter what life throws at you there is always a way out and there is always going to be a day when the sun reveals itself. One thing I am very good at is staying positive and finding silver linings, and I know it is something I go on about a lot but I have to keep telling myself or I might forget. So I stay positive, if you tell yourself everything will be fine then eventually it will be, it’s as soon as you stop believing in hope that you truly lose everything.

If you sit around and wallow in self pity, or if you remain static then your brain will become idle and any hope of a brighter future may fade away from you. If you keep productive, make a goal and strive for it then your hope can never die because you are doing something to keep your mind occupied, you are more likely to keep on going! So every day I make a list, I decide what I have to do each day, just any task – cleaning, sorting, dancing, sleeping, I make a list and I tick off every point to give myself a purpose. In your darkest moments you need to find a purpose. Find a purpose and you’ll be able to carry on with life.

One thing I have always tried to do is make a plan and stick to it. I keep myself busy and I always give myself something to do. I know that the moment I stop I am going to lose all hope in myself and I cannot let that happen.

And so I endure what life throws at me, I fight through every trial and I hold on to every moment of joy I am permitted. I work as often as I can, I push myself to do more even though I know I cannot handle it and I always endeavour to be the best I can to ensure I can have a better future. I am ever so aware that I work myself too much, often to the point of exhaustion which makes me grumpy and aggitated but in the end I know it’s for the best because it means I am doing something to fix my problems, it just may not feel like it at the time.

Giving up is not something that suits me, I hate the thought of not being able to finish the job and not being able to carry on and so even if it costs me a little happiness at the time, I carry on and I plan ahead. And there are times at work when I want to go home, or I want to give up on everything and do something completely different with my life but I will continue on and on because it is the right thing to do and even if I am unhappy it will be of some benefit to me, in the end it will be worth it in one way or another. Keep saying something enough times and eventually it will come true.

That’s how it works right?

I’m holding on by a thread.

I have to keep saying it myself now…

Never lose hope. Never give in and always keep fighting for your life to turn out the way you want it to. If you don’t fight, no one will.

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