silver linings?

They say that every fairytale has a happy ending. They say that every cloud has a silver lining. They say that happiness cannot be found until you search in the dark and find light.

I want to know who ‘they’ are.

I want them to tell me every word about staying positive they know and I want them to keep saying them until I am happy. Keep saying them until I know that everything will be okay. It’s going to take a lot before I believe those words are true because at the moment true happiness is just a story. I have moments of elation when I forget my troubles and I can live a little with a smile on my face but then I remember the grim truth of my fate, thanks to a vile, selfish human who thinks of nothing but money and yet claims otherwise.

Up to this moment my life has gone on and I have dealt with every dark cloud but now there is no break where the sun can shine through. I am in a tunnel so dark that the end must be very far away because there isn’t even a hint of daylight from the other side. I edge slowly down this path, clinging desperately to the walls so I don’t lose my way but I see no end. Someone needs to lead me there before I go mad. This insanity is creeping up and I cannot push it away because my life is devastated. Everything I am, or was, has been thrown to the side and wasted by someone who one day decided they did not care enough to really help someone in need. A petty complaint has turned into an explosion of rage and a conclusion that has wrecked everything we knew.

They say money makes the world go round but it doesn’t. It stops a person’s world in its tracks when another person decides they want to take everything away. Every penny is lost, every smile has faded, every hope – abandoned. I have never felt so lost and afraid. I have never worried about how I will get out of my situation. I have never in my life felt as though I had nothing left.

I cannot comprehend why a person would turn against another, especially considering the relationship, and leave them in the dust. If you love someone you do not betray them. There are two consequences to the individuals actions. They have caused my partner and I incredible stress and now we face what could very well be the end of everything as we know it! And they have lost the hope of ever having a relationship with us every again, me I’m not so bothered about, but he will never be associated with her again. Not properly. This betrayal cuts too deep, the wounds will fester and they will rot. Nothing can save it now. She says that she is doing this in order to maintain a relationship but the opposite effect has occurred because she has proved what a materialistic, ignorant demon she really is, beyond any hope of repair. And although it is true that many things were said from all parties it does not excuse her abominable actions.

I am generally a positive person, I find the bright side and I carry on even when others are down. I have always been the person people turn to in their time of need and now I need help, I feel like a burden, it’s like I’m not wanted and I feel like I have nowhere to go. Virtually no one to turn to. I always try to be the lift that is needed to ensure life goes on but this time even I have fallen to the depths of despair that I thought I would never see again. And yet I find myself here, sleeping in a place that, although I am grateful for, is not my home, fearing that at any moment some new and terrible thing will befall me and I will be sent even further into the dark. As of right now I am surrounded by darkness.

I have tried to convince myself that everything will be okay, that we’ll get out of this mess and life will go on as planned but at the moment I am struggling to see it. I am lost in a world i don’t fully understand and I am hopeless. I don’t know which way to turn or where my path is going to take me. I see no way out and i don’t know what to do next. All my hopes and my dreams are shattered and my life has fallen into uncertainty. There is only one constant and he is in the arena with me waiting for the Tigers to strike. I hate that I have dragged him into my mess and I wish nothing more than to save him, save us. We need to find a way to climb out of this pit of fire and lead us on to a better tomorrow.

I just hope things will improve despite my hesitation to believe they could, and perhaps then I can finally find peace. The only hope I have now is lingering in the back of my mind telling me to not just give up because if I try then things will fall into place, but all the other voices are pushing it away. I know I shouldn’t give up because I don’t want her to win. I’ll roll the dice and make my next move towards the future. Who knows, maybe we’ll still come out on top after all.

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